Enjoy
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Friday, May 6, 2011 @ 12:34 PM
here i am. bck to bloggin. yupyup. why am i having a feeling that i'm gettin weaker and weaker each day? is it because i'm coopin myself too much? or isit because there are stuff that makes me think till i've fallen sick? am i too unhappy till de point tt everything seems to b collapsin in me? life wasnt fair. or shld i say, each one of your tt are placed next to me, is part of god's arrangement? some will stay with me all along, some will leave after sometime, when they have completed their mission that was arranged to help me overcome some stuff that i've been goin thru as part of my life? why am i always the one, findin helpless after someone left me alone? ppl had been constantly remind me, not to trust somebody too much, not to devote too much on someone, not to depend on someone too much. as time past by, i understand all these terms. cause everybody are wearing a mask, you will nv knw who is true to you, you dunno when de person will suddenly turn a cold shoulder to you, or walk away out of your life one day, you wont knw who will just back stab you right at the very next moment. i understand de fact that, sometimes you really nid time to see how someone's true colour. but all in all, after so long, although i've learned all these, why am i fallin into de same situation. am i too native, to really believe in everything. ppl treat me nice, i can treat tt person nicer. am i too dumb to believe tt everything will eventually remains wad it is right fr de beginnin? i can endure anything, but not ppl givin me cold shoulders. these few days, i've been thinkin alot. so much so. some triggered my tears. yupyup. i knw i'm under too much pressure recently. quarrelin with ppl under de same roof wasnt easy, in fact it was stressful. things were nt goin on as smoothly as before. ppl goin in and out of my life. i've been botherin too much recently. fr de basics like family, to maintainin basic relationships, to work, to myself, and many many more. last nite, i was thinkin over some stuff. yupyup. i hate myself for where i am today. i hate myself for bein so weak, nt able to push you aside at that period of time. hate myself to trust. have you ever wondered why i wanted to push you away so much at times? one of de reason was i'm really afraid of fallin for you, and its de fact. its not wad i'm willin or not. its something tt i nid to do at times. at times, your words, your actions really touched, shocked me. who will really read up my blog, givin me all de ans? who is de one who gt tt panicked and dunno hw to comfort, gettin help fr one of my close lady? who is de one tt cheer me up, no matter hw moody my day was? who is de one, tt stay up late at nite just to knw wads goin on, on my bad day, despite havin to work de very nxt mornin? who is de one who nv fail to wish me luck on my phone for every single interviews? who is de one that will text and asked hw was my day? who is de one, accompanied me by de pond durin fyp, when my mood wasnt really dere, makin me smile?... many many more. shocked tt i rmb all these? yes, it seems alittle alittle at times, bt when it gt bundled up, hw much is all these? yup. its infinite, its huge. its hard for a normal person nt to fall for it. bt nw. with de sudden change, i really dunno hw to react to this situation. had a little chat with my lady last nite. just hope tt its nt wad she concluded.
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